I almost can't believe that it's already August 18th, but here we are! I've spent the last 18 days tending to the needs of an inner city, community hospital. Things have been a bit crazy, and I can definitely say that I am so happy to be doing my residency where I am (in an academic institution outside of the urban area). I have seen some crazy things already, and I've become so much wiser in social issues than before.
One of the many major differences in this hospital than the one in which I typically train is that the internists are the primary team for stroke patients. You may recall my serious disinterest I have towards stroke; Honestly, hemorrhagic strokes freak me out and I feel incredible inadequate and insignificant when I care for patients with this problem. It's not that I'm cold hearted or don't like to deal with end of life situations, that is not the case at all. There is just something so terrifying about hemorrhagic strokes...and the fact that we can offer very little management for this problem. I feel so unhelpful, and like such a failure since all I can offer is support, empathy, and compassion.
I have actually a lot of complaints about my current rotation, but I won't bore you with all of that. I'm learning, I have a lot of independence in patient care, and I'm gaining valuable experience. I am not getting much in terms of guidance, feedback, or encouragement, but I'm figuring things out on my own which is definitely reassuring. I surprise myself constantly at some of the things I know, and how quickly and confidently I am managing problems.
I'll be starting on night float in a few short weeks. I can't wait for all of the procedures and responsibility - I'm going to learn so much in such a short time, I am so excited!
Now I just need to find some more time in the day to sleeppppp....
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Believe it or not, today is the beginning of August - the beginning of my second rotation. I can't believe how fast it has went, and how much I've grown on the past 31 days. I learned more than I think I realize - work has been so busy and crazy that I haven't had the time to sit and read or test my knowledge in my traditional studious way. I'm learning by doing, trial by fire, and I'm figuring things out better each day.
I had such a brilliant team for my first rotation. I really miss them already... But I know that I have many brilliant colleagues so I'm excited to get to work with so many different people!
This month I am at an urban, middle city hospital. Today I trained on their electronic health record system (which is really intuitive and efficient unlike the one I'm accustomed to). I'm looking forward to having some more autonomy and handling general medical problems, but I'm a bit reluctant to begin. Things are so different and strange that I feel intimidated and overwhelmed. I always get first day jitters, but today has been more obvious than others. I'm finding myself excited for September to get here, when I'm back to my normal hospital (albeit on night float!).
I can't even describe how sad it makes me to realize that it's already August. I can see winter in my mind already, time will pass so quickly it will be here before I realize it. My life is seriously flashing before my eyes. I miss having a life outside of medicine. But I still do love what I do...so I will continue to focus on that and not the fact that I'm dog tired and haven't seen my family in months and haven't had a real conversation with my husband in weeks or cleaned my house properly since June... Moan over.
Fingers crossed for a good month!